What About Socialization? Answering Homeschooling’s Most-Hated Question with Grace
I loved being homeschooled. I really did. It’s a part of my identity I’ve never wanted to trade. And for that very reason, I don’t spend a lot of time talking about the things I hated as a homeschool student.
However, even hated memories need to be tackled every once in a while. And today I am tackling a question every homeschool student and parent has faced at some time in their life. Two questions, actually.
“What about socialization?”
“And how on earth am I going to answer that with grace?”
Why Does It Bug Us So Much?
It’s weird, but while few of us ENJOY being asked “Can homeschoolers go to college?” Or, “Do homeschoolers have competitive grades?” Or even, “Is homeschooling legal?” it’s the socialization question that tends to wriggle the deepest under our skin.
And it’s really NOT the biggest question.
It’s just the question that makes us feel the most–judged? Insecure? Unworthy?
The Things You Wanted to Say
Yeah, I know. You’ve got answers. Not-very-polite answers, some of them.
Downright sarcastic answers, maybe.
Answers that have a lot to do with how well your student can carry on a conversation with responsible adults. And even more about how somebody else’s kid can’t even drag their eyes away from their device for thirty seconds to answer a question . . .
You’ve got stats. You’ve got experience. You’ve got your KIDS, sitting right there, shining examples of how homeschoolers turn out great–if only this exasperating question-asker wouldn’t let them see so obviously that he disapproves of their education before they’ve even had a chance!
Yeah, there’s a lot of answers you’d like to give. Most of them starting with an implied “mind your own business!”
What’s The Right Answer?
This is going to hurt a tiny bit to say, but when a repeatedly-asked question consistently generates a level of frustration totally out of proportion to its actual weight, there’s a pretty good chance our own heart can use some work.
Not some “suck it up and bear it” work. But some “is there room for God’s healing?” work.
I get it. The socializing question is frustrating, because it’s repetitive. But then, so is your three-year-old’s perennial “why???” The second question gets just as annoying. But it’s annoying like a blister or a burnt tongue. It doesn’t poke a tormenting splinter into the squishy part of your heart.
Socialization With Grace
I think the first step in talking about socializing with grace is to make sure we’re SOCIALIZING with grace.
Insecurity is never a good platform for shining Christ’s light.
If we’re inwardly ashamed of our socialization choices–if we’re making decisions and living a life that doesn’t stand squarely in front of our convictions–then we’re going to (rightly!) struggle to hold those decisions up for questioners to scrutinize.
But my guess is, if you are like the majority of homeschoolers, you have found that being intentional about socialization is the least complicated part of homeschooling. You could be at a co-op, a park day, a fieldtrip, an extracurricular activity, from 9 to 5, seven days a week. Only then, you wouldn’t exactly be HOME schooling, would you? 😉
Most homeschoolers don’t need more socialization. They need more grace to accept the socialization they already have.
Answering With Grace
And this is where answering with grace gets easier. The things we are secure about are the things where we don’t feel pressure to be different from who we are. Even if who we are puts us into the minority.
Most Ivy League grads have no problem answering questions about how Ivy League schools are different from the rest of academia.
Why?
Because it’s easy to answer with grace when you don’t feel threatened.
And here’s the secret.
You don’t need to feel threatened!
Half the time, when someone asks you “what about socialization?” it doesn’t mean they’ve written you off the “human” list before they even asked the question. Plenty of times they’re just innocently curious. Maybe they’ve known about homeschooling for a while, and always wondered. Maybe the question never popped into their head before today.
Maybe they honestly ARE struggling with your decision to homeschool. Maybe it’s touching on their own insecurity, and they’re in need of a little reassurance too.
You’ve Got This One!
Believe me, you have. Let yourself feel secure enough to believe it.
Homeschoolers have limitless opportunities for socialization. As a matter of fact, some of the most ultra-social people I know are homeschoolers.
Your children’s socialization is going to look a bit more creative than your next-door neighbours’. But when was creativity something that held you back, anyway?
Let yourself be secure enough to socialize with grace. Let yourself be secure enough to answer with grace.
After all, it’s not their fault they asked a question that’s shaken your faith in your calling a dozen times before.
“What about socialization?”
It’s an honest question. Give it an honest answer.
But remember that where God’s called you is already the perfect place to be.
Need some more encouragement for tackling homeschooling FAQs? Take a look at our previous post:
